My Newest Revelation

My neighbor, Casey, had to put her dog to sleep today. I feel so bad for her. Having just been through this in July, I shared some tears as well. Much like Mickey was for me, Casey's dog was her first "baby". It was her first "I'm a grown up and on my own" purchase. My heart just bleeds for her. It will be a tough couple of days as you go through all of those firsts...The first time you realize that you don't have to let the dog out before you go to bed...The first time you have to pick up the food you drop because the dog isn't there to eat it...The first time you can walk to the door without tripping over the dog...You get the idea. Please pray for her.

I mention this because Casey has two kids that I was honored to watch while she and her husband took the dog to the vet. Colin is 3 and Ryan is 7 months old. I had a ton of fun watching them! Colin and I played cars, read books and crawled around on the floor. I got to hold Ryan, play with him on the floor and change his diaper. It was wonderful! That being said, for the first time I realized that...

I DON'T MISS THIS!

I don't miss the diapers. I don't miss the struggling to understand early language. I don't miss the demanding urging of "Come play with me NOW!". I don't miss the wondering if we are on the cusp of tired enough to nap vs. too tired to fall asleep. I don't miss all of the extra "needed" accessories that you have for little kids...the high chair, the swing, the play yard, the train table, the monitor, shall I go on?

THIS IS A HUGE STEP for me! HUGE!!!! This is a step I thought I would never reach! NEVER! I thought that there would always be a huge hole in my heart yearning for another and another baby. I find myself in uncharted waters...waters that I never, ever thought I would enter. It is a little strange.

Please, let me be clear. I loved going over to play. I love to hold babies, and I am sure I always will. There is nothing better in the whole world than holding a sweet smelling, content baby. I don't mind the occasional diaper. I don't mind the struggling to understand. That being said, I LOVED being able to leave! I loved knowing that when I got home, when my kids got home from school, they could feed themselves, potty themselves, and let me know just how their day went. I can go out to lunch and not have to carry a suitcase otherwise known as a diaper bag with me. I don't have to worry if the baby has enough to eat while I am gone. There are a ton small freedoms.

I am still needed, don't get me wrong. It's just in a very, very different way. Now it is a lot more about holding the limit line, being consistent, making sure everyone feels as if their EMOTIONAL needs are met. It's a lot more discussion and evaluating what is appropriate and what is not. It's turning these children into functioning young adults! Young adults that have to have the life skills to make good choices and know how to identify bad choices.

OH, MY GOSH! Who left me with all of that responsibility?

Does anyone else feel like they have entered this unusual place? Am I totally strange (read the rest before you answer, please) in feeling like when I wasn't looking, life moved on without me realizing it...and it's okay? Am I really okay with this new stage in my parenting?

You know, maybe I am.